Key points to remember
- Dough Con wants to dump Bitcoin to zero because he realized Terror is doomed, unnamed sources said.
- Con reportedly used a group of Bored Ape hackers and 0xSifu to acquire Satoshi Nakamoto’s seed phrase to gain access to his Bitcoin.
- Several Layer 1 networks have sunk into the news, while blue chip NFTs continue to trade at record highs.
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Editor’s note: an article completely independent of this one was published on Crypto Briefing like an April Fool’s Day joke post last month. It was referring to a blockchain project whose founding company had called for its removal and threatened legal action over the coin. You can read the letter their law firm, K&L Gates LLP, sent to our editor here. We would like to clarify that the previous pieces and below are satires. This article is not based on any fact and has no relation to any real blockchain project.
Con reportedly said that if DUST fails, the broader crypto market should fail with it.
Crypto Market Boiling on Con Outburst
Terrorfarm Labs CEO Dough Con plans to empty his bags to zero, sources said.
According to multiple sources, the hypersensitive billionaire decided he wanted to crash Bitcoin and the broader crypto market upon realizing that the Ponzinomics model of the Terror blockchain is unsustainable. “He continued to say that the failure of DUST equals the failure of crypto itself and no one could stop him from crashing Bitcoin because their size is not his size,” a source said. close to the file. Crypto Briefing. “Then he posted a bunch of tweets about how anyone who wasn’t a MOONboy was doing on the left side of the curve.”
The revelation comes after Con, who has lived overseas his entire life to avoid US regulations, was praised for reigniting the biggest bull market in crypto history in the first quarter of 2023. Con brought out the Goblintown market by accumulating whale-sized piles of Bitcoin through the Let it Go Foundation, an organization created to prevent Terror’s DUST from suffering the same fate as all other algorithmic stablecoins. His belief in Terror and the strength of the broader market was so high that he bet eight figures with two veteran traders that MOON would hold above $8,888 by March 2023.
The Let it Go Foundation recently became the second largest holder of Bitcoin in the world, which is not enough to crash the market on its own. However, Con allegedly enlisted a group of hackers who stole over 500 Bored Ape Yacht Club NFTs to gain access to Satoshi Nakamoto’s Bitcoin wallet, which contains 1 million coins.—about 5% of the supply. The hackers say that they and 0xSifu found Satoshi Nakamoto on the Wonderland Discord server and convinced him to give his seed phrase. Con thinks dumping the lot will be enough to cause major ripples in the market, a source said.
The Crypto Community Reacts
A group of fiery Bitcoin bulls have hatched a plan to stop Con from tanking the market. According to documents seen by Crypto Briefing, Nayib Bukele, Adam Back, Cathie Wood and Michael Saylor created a group called the Bitcoin Maximal Bid Trust to lead the sale of Con. Saylor’s MicroStrategy is said to have secured over 100,000 Bitcoin, along with his multimillion-dollar real estate portfolio and two superyachts, through Silvergate Bank to borrow money to buy a “swarm of cyber hornets”, which is likely a reference to the best crypto asset (Saylor, known for his lack of interest in anything other than bitcoin accumulation, somewhat oddly compared bitcoin to a swarm of cyber hornets several times in the past).
Bukele, meanwhile, is said to have allocated over $1 billion initially dedicated to El Salvador’s first bitcoin bond. Sources said he planned to use the 10-figure sum to buy the latest dip through his iPhone. Anthony Pompliano would also have put The best business lounge on hiatus to restart the bitcoin pizza business he launched last year; the funds raised will apparently go towards buying Bitcoin for cash.
Various other networks were hit hard by the news. Ethereum, which this week postponed its Proof-of-Stake upgrade until 2028 so the Ethereum Foundation could dump another multimillion-dollar bag of ETH at the next market peak, suffered due to the widespread uncertainty about the future of crypto as an asset class. 0xSassal, a pseudonymous Ethereum follower best known for hosting The daily Wei podcast, says Crypto Briefing that he was planning to keep his promise to perform a dance to save ETH from recession (he memorably engaged in a dance when ETH hit a new all-time high in early 2021, but has then backed off without any explanation as to why). “It looks dark there so I was just thinking of posting it as a Twitter video,” he said in a Telegram message. “On the plus side, although ETH is tanking, I have a pretty decent collection of minis that I can throw away if I need some spare money. And since there are so few people who are using Ethereum now, gas fees have again fallen below $200.
Solana, billed as “the most successful blockchain in the world”, was hit with another crash early on Friday as users began to panic. Sources claim that Solana’s team has come up with a plan to turn the blockchain off and on again to make it work. Cardano was spared because no one is using it, while Cosmos, crypto’s self-proclaimed “internet of blockchains,” continues to trade in a year-long sideways channel.
NFT, Degen Spartan emerges unscathed
While the decline has rattled most crypto holders, some more bearish market participants say they expected this moment to come. One of multiple identities linked to the Degen Spartan Twitter account said Crypto Briefing that he is happy to see the market panicking because he derisked years ago. “I’ve been sitting in stables since bitcoin dumped $19,000 in 2017,” he said. “It is difficult for me to have sympathy for anyone because it was obvious that everything was going to zero when Su Zhu suggests that it was long the other day.
Interestingly, a portion of the crypto market seems to trade largely uncorrelated to Bitcoin. Despite the looming threat of a crypto-nuclear winter, several NFTs hit all-time lows this week. A source said Crypto Briefing that the hackers Con enlisted chose to keep their monkeys to keep the hot market afloat. “It benefits them if the monkeys keep hovering, and they insist they’re there for the culture. One told me ‘we like JPEGs’ when I asked why they had hacked so many users,” the source said. However, the NFT market may not hold its highs for long. Analysts said Crypto Briefing that the only reason why many so-called blue chips—Bored Ape Yacht Club and Azuki among them—rally is that the initiates picked them up to participate in their recent airdrops. Now that the token distributions have started, they will soon be throwing them at the same people they were leading, analysts explained.
Disclosure: At the time of writing this article, the author of this article owned ETH, ATOM, and several other cryptocurrencies.
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